Remembering Loved Ones In Your Wedding Ceremony

A wedding is already packed with emotions, but the loss of someone close to you can be acknowledged in a sentimental, poignant, heart-felt or downright hilarious way.  There’s no right or wrong way to go about it, just that it feels right for you both and a fitting tribute to the person who is no longer there.

Many wedding ceremonies I conduct will have photos of absent loved ones in the room somewhere or perhaps attached as lockets to a bouquet. This is a very visual way for them to be present and something that gets a lovely reaction from guests, and I often get asked to say a few words about the loved one, or just acknowledge their absence.

There’s lots of ways to include them physically in the ceremony too. Here’s some things I have seen recently.

• L walked in with her Dad’s walking stick so he was walking her down the aisle.

• D lost his Grandma a few days before the ceremony so her  cardigan was draped round a chair on the front row and we referenced how much she had been looking forward to the day.

• M’s Dad’s favourite party tune was ‘Sweet Caroline’ so after a shot of his favourite tipple to warm everyone’s vocal chords the guests sang this as the walking out song

• R&A wanted to use sentimental items in a handfasting so we incorporated their dogs lead, their horses rein and a tartan ribbon for A's Dad

• Had M’s Dad been at the wedding he’d have pulled out a pack of playing cards and been telling jokes so I had an a4 pack of cards on hand (and a Bruce Forsyth mask) and we had a game of Play Your Cards Right to decide who went first with their vows

• E’s Mum was very sick so they had a church wedding for close family 18 months before their pre-planned big day so her Mum could witness E getting married. In their ceremony with me we relit the candle they used in their Church ceremony to remember her Mum.

• L’s Grandma loved bingo and L’s Mum loved fun - so I gave everyone a raffle ticket as they entered the ceremony and we used an old fashioned bingo machine to pick ticket numbers out and whoever had that number stood up and shouted ‘bingo’ and answered a question about L&L to decide who went first with their vows

• S&R wanted a very quiet moment of contemplation for everyone in their ceremony

• P asked me to read a poem which had been read at their Nan’s funeral

• M chose ribbon colours to reflect absent loved ones for their handfasting, pink for nan’s nail polish, blue for Mum’s favourite flowers and red for Grandad’s favourite football team.

• E&W chose significant objects for their handfasting to celebrate their parents, with union jacks, the colours of the Lancashire Regiment and some shabby chic floral ribbon being used alongside their much missed dog’s lead who had accepted belly rubs in exchange for tail wags for every single person in the room.

• J carried his Grandad’s penknife with him everywhere since a teen so they could go on adventures together. We lit a unity candle for Grandad in their ceremony and used the penknife to trim the wicks.

• E&R had both lost their Grandad’s recently, so we gave their wedding rings to their Grandmothers to hold during the ceremony to fill with their wisdom from their many years of happy marriage.